The Art of Distance

Frustrated, Angry, Depressed

2006-05-03T11:16:00.000-04:00

So last week I found out that I officially have no funding for next year. While my advisor keeps telling me not to panic, that since she's been here they've never stranded a grad student, I can't help it. All I can imagine is needing to work part-time at the Walmart to be able to pay the rent. Yesterday I had thoughts of living on pb&j sandwiches for a year. It also dawned on me yesterday that without support, I don't have health insurance. So needless to say I'm freaking out.

The best plan that we've been able to come up with is to defend my dissertation in October. This would at least mean I don't have to pay tuition in the fall. But it doesn't solve the lack of money problem.

I'm meeting with my advisor tomorrow to talk over everything. I'm depressed.

Jump on the bus

2006-04-24T12:07:00.001-04:00

Ok, I have nothing else for today, so a meme it is. (found this at new kid on the hallway)

Accent: Unique blend of Jersey with Philly (I got made fun of a lot in college for this accent)

Booze: Yes please. I like Cosmos. I had some good ones two weekends ago, but they can wreck me.

Chore I Hate: Cleaning the bathroom.

Dog or Cat: Cats. But I'd take a dog so long as it isn't too big or hairy.

Essential Electronics: Laptop, iPod, TV.

Favorite Cologne(s): None, I don't like colognes or perfumes, they give me a headache.

Gold or Silver: Silver

Hometown: ---- --------, --, USA

Insomnia: Not usually

Job Title: Graduate Student

Kids: None. Future maybe, but the dissertation is my first baby.

Living arrangements: Small, 1 bedroom apartment with LIBF.

Most admirable trait: Does smart count?

Number of sexual partners: 5ish

Overnight hospital stays: None

Phobias: Snakes, spiders, but more fears, not phobias.

Quote: "He will get a face full of men! My men!!" -The Monarch, Venture Brothers Pilot

Religion: None

Siblings: 1 little bro (though he's not so little)

Time I wake up: anywhere from 8:30 on a good day, to 10:30 on a normal day

Unusual talent or skill: Knitting, though not so unusual anymore

Vegetable I refuse to eat: Beans (are they vegetables)? Green beans are ok, all other beans, no way!

Worst habit: Procrastinate

X-rays: Teeth

Yummy foods I make: Desserts with puff pastry (the frozen kind), chocolate chip cookies

Zodiac sign: Sag.

2006-04-24T12:07:00.000-04:00

Weirdest Thing Ever...

2006-04-21T15:09:00.000-04:00

So I'm sitting in my office right now, I want to do work, but there is some guy pacing the hallway on his cellphone yelling at his girlfriend. Apparently he's tired of taking her crap and doesn't want to put up with it anymore. It sounds like he's on the verge of breaking up with her, but not quite there. Oh... she must be crying because he's asking if she's ok. Oh no... he's asking if she is still there. Drama!

I'm not sure why he is having this conversation in the middle of an office building. I don't know who he is, but to leave the floor he has to walk by my door, so I'll get a look at him.

Sounds like she is now yelling back at him. Yelling match!

Part of me wants to go out into the hallway and say "excuse, please have this conversation somewhere else". The other part of me wants to say "dump the bitch!"

Have to try to accomplish something other than laundry today...

Preclass dead time

2006-04-20T16:39:00.000-04:00

In the hour or so before class, I can never focus to get any work done. I'd love to be able to concentrate and work up until 15 minutes before class and waltz over ready to go. Instead I work until about an hour before class and then can't do anything other than waste time. Not that blogging is time wasted, certainly not.

Did anyone else see that horrible awful woman on the Colbert Report last night? I've already blocked her name from my memory. Her book was something like "To Hell with That I just want to be a slave to my husband because he's the man and men are better than women. Women should be depend on their men and should have no life of their own." Hmmm... that's a long title. I was so livid about this woman's interview that I was fuming while watching. LIBF told me that I watched the entire thing with a scowl on my face. And then I spent nearly an hour yelling and ranting about why she is a horrible woman. She literally said that women should be dependent on their husbands. She seems to completely fail to realize that the feminism she is soooo against is the only reason that she 1) went to college and got a good education, 2) is able to have a good job (she writes for the New Yorker, though only when the kids are at school), 3) had the freedom to have an opinion and write a book about it and get it published. ARGH!!! Crap, now I'm pissed again and I have to get to class.

Much better now

2006-04-18T15:19:00.000-04:00

I prepped my lecture, ate a bagel and a donut, and read some blogs. I am feeling less pissy, but more headachy. Office hours start in 10 minutes so I better open up the office door now.

Student emails...

2006-04-18T13:11:00.000-04:00

"Regarding the final exam for Psych, the exam period is 3 hours long. Will the exam actually take that long? Or will it just be slightly longer than the first 2 exams?"

Hmmm... let's see...

Even though I've announced several times at the end of class that the final exam is essentially an exam 3 and noncumulative, that would indicate that it is like the first 2 exams. But good point about the 3 hours... I should really fill up all of that time. So I'm going completely off the syllabus and the final exam will be 3 hours of essays. At the start of each hour of the exam I will post the next essay question on the screen. 3 essays, 3 hours... oh and let's say 80% of your final grade.

Oh and as I also announced in class... take a look at the class website all of the information you want to know is there including the fact that the final exam is just the same as the previous 2 exams.

ARGH!!!

Foul mood

2006-04-18T13:05:00.000-04:00

I am currently in the foulest of foul moods. It is certainly not being helped by the fact that I hate all of my clothes, waited 5 minutes for some bitch to pull out of her parking space and she never did (who the fuck just comes out to their car and sits in it?!), and I haven't eaten. Oh and they've been doing construction outside of my office for weeks now. I have to come in every fucking day and listen to horrible noises that even the iPod on the last setting can drown out.

I need to prep my lecture for this evening, but I feel in no mood because I'm anticipating that the students like they have been the past couple of weeks will just be the same old rude assholes they've been all semester. I've tried to treat them as adults and give them subtle cues to quiet down and be polite. But apparently I've been wrong, they aren't adults they are children and probably need to be yelled at. More and more I'm liking my advisor's idea of giving them an impossible final exam as a big "screw you."

Of course I won't do that... but this class is eating away at my last nerve.

Ok, I'm in a pissy mood. I should prep this lecture quickly and than try to find something edible at the student center.

Things to Do: 8 Billion; Motivation: 0

2006-04-17T15:29:00.000-04:00

"Is this the real life
Is this just fantasy
Caught in a landslide
No escape from reality"

Odd coincidence that I am about to post about how I'm overwhelmed with crap to do (aren't we all?) and Bohemian Rhapsody shuffles up on the iPod.

I don't know if I can even bare to see the entire list of "to dos" written out, but it might help me to start tackling them if they are written down and not just floating in my head...

By 4/20:
Read 2 articles
Write lecture on articles
Create power point for lecture
Critique paper for another grad student
Give feedback to undergrad on a paper
Give feedback to LIBF on papers
Pick textbook for Fall class and submit form, contact book rep and beg for videos

By 4/25:
Read 1 article
Write short (thank god) lecture on article
Create power point for lecture

By 4/27:
Read 2 articles
Write lecture on articles
Create power point for lecture
Write Method section of dissertation for study 1 (so that can tell advisor I did something!)
Finish study guide for class final exam and post online
Download current data set of internet study and prep stats tutorial for research group

By 5/3:
Create final exam for class and send to TA for copying

By 5/13:
Buy b-day present for bro
Buy mom's day present for mom (maybe I should include locate some money in an earlier to do)
Create poster for conference and send to poster making lady

By 6/1:
Article based on dissertation study 1 due to editor (I need to incorporate to dos of writing deadlines and data analysis earlier for this... which is even tougher because my advisor's advice about this deadline is to ignore it! argh!)
Apply for IRB approval of dissertation study 2 so that it can start immediately in Sept.

By end of June:
Create syllabus for summer class
Prepare some lectures, projects, demonstrations, in class activities for summer class
Prepare job hunt packet (teaching evals, teaching statement, research statement, vita, etc)
Have panic attack about impending job hunt

By end of July:
Create syllabus for Fall class
Prepare some lectures for Fall class
Create syllabus for Spring Class
Hunt for reading material for spring class

By end of August:
Finish intro to dissertation
Finish methods, results, discussion of study 1 (hopefully a piece of cake after writing the article for June 1st)
Write methods for study 2

Wow... that is overwhelming, but seems manageable now that I've laid it out with rough dates. If I stay on top of the list, I can be well set for the fall and spring semester. Of course there are major obstacles to staying on track (such as going on vacation, teaching for 6 weeks everyday), but not as impossible as it seemed twenty minutes ago when I was aimlessly surfing the internet avoiding all work.

Seeing how my sidebar is pretty naked, I think I might post my to do list over there since this blog seems mostly for my own blathering to myself at this point!

Went to lunch and never came back...

2006-04-15T16:01:00.000-04:00

Ok, that's not true. The spring semester is always so much harder for me (and for my students, probably). I don't feel like teaching, the weather is getting nice, I don't feel like teaching.

I yelled at my students on Thursday. As I got to the last 5 minutes of lecture (which was still going to allow them to leave 20 minutes early), a large portion of them just decided to stop listening and start their own conversations. I stopped once and asked them to be quiet for 5 more minutes. It worked for all of 30 seconds. At which point, I stopped and suggested that those who would rather talk should just get up and leave right now because they were being extraordinarily rude. That shut them up until I was finished.

Remind me that when I apply for jobs to look for colleges that have small class sizes. I fucking hate big classes. And I'm just so fucking happy that I get to teach another 400 student class in the fall. YAY!

3 minutes to lunch...

2006-04-10T12:11:00.000-04:00

oh and I've only been in my office for about 15 minutes, reading blogs and responding to emails. Yay for productivity!

I'm hoping to get a lot done in the afternoon, after lunch and before class (though not my class class). Ugh, sorry to be vague. I'm still trying to feel out this whole anonymous blogging thing. How much to reveal, how much to hide...

Day Light Savings My Ass!

2006-04-07T15:33:00.000-04:00

Ever since the time change on Saturday, I've been exhausted and unmotivated. I had a meeting with my advisor yesterday and admitted that I have been mostly sitting on my hands recently not knowing what to do with myself. My study is running in the lab, which is handled by undergrads who are under the supervision of another grad student (the first time in 4 years that it wasn't by me!), and it is also on the internet. I have a mountain of things to accomplish--a poster to create, parts of the dissertation to start writing, the introduction and methods of an article that's due in less than 2 months, shitloads of crap for my class, prepping for my summer class and class in the fall. And with all that facing me, my focus is instead on sleeping, watching tv, and even doing laundry a week earlier and lugging a bunch of stuff to the laundry mat that typically only gets washed on very infrequent occasions. After our meeting I at least have some guidance on the poster; can you believe in 5 years I've never made a poster?

I'm starting to get excited about my class this semester again (the last few lectures have been painful because by the third time around they aren't fresh and exciting). But I'm excited now because we are about to start a brand new section that I'm trying for the first time. It has the potential to be really cool and tie together a lot of the concepts we've discussed in class, but if I don't keep up the energy I can see how it might completely flop. I am a little nervous about this special section because it touches on some political things. I'm 100% anti-Bush and so I love the stance that the articles the class is reading takes (I love reading psychological articles by big name psychologists who are liberal and have the guts to say Bush sucks), and in one on one conversations I will happily share my views with students. But in a class of 400, I get nervous about being overly political because I don't want to offend or alienate any students (even if I think they are morons for supporting the administration). In the past, I've had several students complain when I bring up minor little political things to illustrate psychology concepts. So I'm a little nervous.

Advice

2006-04-04T12:14:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I mentioned my hatred of stupid questions, but in some ways I'd rather get the stupid question emails than the advice emails.

I dread the emails that read "I try really hard, and I feel I know the material, but when I get to the exam, I get tense and confused. Now I'm getting a D and we only have 1 exam left. What can I do?"

I still haven't figured out how to give a good answer to this that doesn't sound like 1) you just can't cut it in the class, suck it up and accept your D; 2) you should have come to me after exam 1, not before the final; 3) study harder.

I typically respond with same haphazard advice about study skills... taking notes while reading, writing out answers to the study guide, creating your own examples of the concepts. I have no idea if this advice helps. I've never had a student come back and say, wow that really helped me! I think too many of them are too far behind by the time they ask for help, that advice isn't going to help.

I had one student last semester who was a freshman who APed out of the intro level class and ended up in my 300 level class. She nearly cried in my office after the first exam and first paper when she got Cs on both. She explained that she never got a C in her life. But from what she explained of her study skills and approach to writing, she was clearly still working with a high school mentality and didn't realize that college requires more time and effort. You can't just make a few notecards with definitions and hope to do well on the exam. At least she came to me very early on, and turned around her approach and got an A in the class.

These others who wait until before the final exam, I feel helpless at helping them. They've already established their bad habits for the class and breaking them before the last exam is an enormous amount of work.

What many of them don't realize either is that if I were to take away the extra credit, their C or D is suddenly an F. That's one of the pitfalls I think of extra credit is that it "fools" the student into thinking they are doing better in the class than they really are.

Anyway, I guess my main question is how to you give advice to a student on how to study better for the final when it is painfully obvious that they are going to get a D no matter what at this point?

Sorry for the rambling today. I couldn't sleep last night and was up until 4-ish. Then I stayed in bed into nearly noon. Now I'm running out of time to prep my lecture and get to office hours before my class. And all I want to do today is crawl back in bed...

Day Off

2006-04-03T08:26:00.000-04:00

I can't stand stupid questions. Maybe that means I shouldn't be instructing undergrads, but I'm sure I'm not alone in this. I just received an email this morning, something along the lines of "I want to do option X for the extra credit assignment, but I don't know how to do y and z." When I wrote specific, step-by-step, a third year old could follow them, instructions on the class website. But this student was too lazy or too stupid to read them. So I replied by copying and pasting what I wrote on the website. I do the same thing when I get a stupid question that's answered on the syllabus. Argh!

Ok, so maybe it is too early and I haven't gotten enough sleep with being out late at the bars Friday night and then the whole losing an hour for daylight savings thing.

On the good side of things, I finally found out my teaching assignment for next semester. I was somewhat distraught and annoyed on Friday when another grad student was proudly bragging about her assignment, and thinking to myself, I don't know mine... that must mean I'm not getting funding in the fall. (You see, we're only guaranteed funding for 5 years and next year is my 6th, I'm slow). But thankfully, I got the official email on Saturday and I'm teaching psych 101. I haven't taught that in two years, but I requested it because I needed a change from my current assignment which I've done 3 semesters in a row and even though I keep changing books, my lectures are getting stale. I am somewhat annoyed with the assignment because I requested a good timeslot and a smaller class, figuring since I have the most teaching experience of all the grad students, that maybe I'd get my first choice. No apparently, I got my last choice which is the largest section of the class and at a shitty time. Fun! LIBF (live-in boyfriend) says that the reason I got that class is probably because I have the most experience with big classes. LIBF got a teaching assignment for the fall as well, which I think will be very good for him. He hasn't had as much teaching experience, but he is brilliant and I think will be a great and entertaining teacher.

And now that I've spewed all of my ranting and complaining onto the blog, I can take my day off and enjoy the opening of baseball season!

Friday Afternoon

2006-03-31T16:52:00.000-05:00

Ugh! Why did I offer to give a makeup exam at 5pm on a Friday? Especially when it is so nice outside. Although all I really want to do is go home and sleep. (oh wow... the guy just showed up, apparently we had our wires crossed on this and he thought he was just coming to explain why he missed the exam in the first place, which actually is fine with me 'cause now I'm heading home!)

Right, so yesterday I posted about the guest lecturing gig. It went over pretty well I think. It is weird lecturing to a different group of students. At least with my own class, I know who is going to pay attention and who isn't, who typically sleeps and who doesn't, who is chatty and who isn't.

Speaking of my class, yesterday's was definitely an interesting one. The lecture was on attraction and it is one of my favorites because I have a fun demonstration in the middle, and several easy jokes that students usually laugh at, so I look forward to this lecture. About 3 minutes into the lecture, the wireless microphone battery dies. Thank goodness I had another one in my bag (that was one of the first pieces of advice my advisor gave me when I started teaching... bring extra batteries). Unfortunately that threw me off a bit from the lecture, and just when I thought I was back on track, I said something that apparently was quite funny (I have no idea what I said. I find often when I teach, afterwards I don't remember very much of what I said, I just trust that it was decent). But this was so funny that students were laughing really hard, the type of laughing they would do if my shirt fell off. I was absolutely freaked, because I don't know what I said. I was paranoid for a while that my pants had vaporized or something. Then just when I had recovered from that, I looked to my right and there was a girl squating down having a chat with a guy who was sitting in a seat. Now, if someone was chatting with the person sitting next to them, that annoys me, but at least they are both presumably students. I couldn't figure out why this girl was squatting on the floor if she was a student, so I stopped lecturing and stared. I stared for a good 30 seconds and most of the class started staring in that direction. The guy and girl finally noticed and I said something about having a good conversation (again no memory for what exactly came out of my mouth). The squating girl jumped up and ran out of the room and the guy slunk down in his seat. The rest of the class laughed. After that I was more relaxed than usual through the lecture. I think I even said "that sucked" at one point. To me, it was probably ranks up there with the worst lectures I've given, but in trying to keep an open-mind (and stay an optimist) I have a feeling that the students actually enjoyed it. (Or maybe I'm hoping that the pratfall phenomenon which I lectured about yesterday does really happen!)

Guest Lecturer

2006-03-30T12:23:00.000-05:00

So sometime back before the semester started, I happily agreed to guest lecture for 30 minutes for another grad student's intro level class. They are doing a chapter on gender and since I'm the resident expert (HA!), she asked if I'd do a little presentation. "Sure, no problem." I didn't realize at the time that her class was the same day as mine. Now still being a grad student, I haven't taught more than 1 class in a day, so I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed having to prep two lectures today (even if 1 is only 30 minutes and not a full class period). I'm mostly worried that I'll kick ass in the guest lecturing, but tired out for my own class. Will there ever be a point where teaching isn't so exhausting? I mean, right now it mostly wears me about because of the high adrenaline kick and nerves right before starting followed by the adrenaline crash about 10 minutes after class ends. Enough babbling and time wasting...

Annoyances, Disappointments, and Joys

2006-03-27T16:36:00.000-05:00

I've been waiting in my office all morning for the TA to bring me the grades for my students' exam, which was Thursday. Now the delay in the grading being accomplished is partly my fault because I switched the exam day to coincide with the TA's trip to a conference. He said he was going to grade them Sunday night when he got back and send me the stuff asap. Clearly at 4:30pm on Monday, I've received nothing. I checked at his office and he wasn't around. I just threw a quick post on the class website apologizing for the delay in grades, but if it is much longer, I'm going to start getting angry emails from students. And I don't feel like dealing with those.

I'm disappointed because I won an award, but I can't go to the award ceremony. It is a teaching award which gives me an honorarium and a chance to develop and teach my own class on a topic of my choice. But the ceremony is the same day that I teach and starts a mere half an hour before my class. I toyed with cancelling class, but then thought that's not very teacherly-like. It is also the last class of the semester. Oh well, I still get the award, just not the public "praise and thanks" that the invitation promised.

Despite these annoyances and disappointment, I am feeling very happy today. I talked with another grad student today about dissertation stuff. She's preparing her proposal and asked to see mine as an example. We'll both be finishing next May and it was helpful to talk to her because I think we both did a good job of encouraging the other and reaching the conclusion of "we can do this, it isn't impossible."

The thing that really made the day great was a brief encounter with one of my favorite professors. This prof was on my qualifying exams committee and is currently on my dissertation committee. I had a fabulous class with him a few semesters ago and I'm fairly confident that he likes me. He is older and acts very curmudgeon, but underneath is a sweetheart. Anyway, out of nowhere he comes down to my office and pops his head in. He asks me if I know where Yoda is (how he likes to refer to the prof in the office next to mine). He then mentions that he got an email from a professor friend of his at big mid-western university looking for post-doc candidates and that he thought it would be a great position for me if only it wasn't for starting in Sept. He said he would email me the information so I could take a look at it. Not only did he email me the stuff, but he emailed his prof friend and said "I have the great student who fortuantely for us will be here next year, which is unfortunate for you and your program." The prof friend wrote back (which was forwarded to me) that I should contact him in early '07 if I'm still interested. How awesome is that! 1) Confirmation that this prof does really like me. 2) He's looking out for possible positions for me after I finish here. 3) Oh god, job/post-doc life is looming and I really should be starting to look/compile documents. Crap, I just went from happy to terrified!

Cop out post

2006-03-27T11:35:00.000-05:00

I've been too busy recently with school stuff, personal stuff, and vistors, so you get a meme.

I forget what the instructions exactly said on this one, but it was something about putting your iPod on shuffle, asking the following questions, and recording the results.

How does the world see me?
"Kooks" by David Bowie (Hunky Dory)
hmmm... probably somewhat accurate

Will I have a happy life?
"Day Tripper" by The Beatles (1)
I don't know what this means

What do my friends think of me?
"Leave" by Barenaked Ladies (Stunt)
*crying*

Do people secretly lust after me?
"Home" by Ellis Paul (American Jukebox Fables)
is this an odd way of saying my libf (live-in boyfriend)

How can I make myself happy?
"The River" by Bruce Springsteen (Greatest Hits)
visit a river? jump in a river?

What should I do with my life?
"Detriot Rock City" by Kiss
I've never been to Detriot, do they have good universities there?

Will I ever have children?
"I'll be There for You" by Bon Jovi (Cross Road)
another cryptic one

What is some good advice for me?
"The Ocean" by U2 (Boy)
What is with the water theme?

How will I be remembered?
"Always Run to You" by Bon Jovi (7800 degrees Fahrenheit)
I think this is good

What is my signature dancing song?
"Lead Me On" by Teena Marie (Top Gun Soundtrack)
Hahahahaha

What do I think is my current theme song?
"More than Physical" by Bananarama
Interesting...

What does everyone think my theme song is?
"You're Only Human (Second Wind)" by Billy Joel (Greatest Hits, Vol 2)
More interesting...

What song will play at my funeral?
"He's So Shy" by the Pointer Sisters
Hahahaha. Maybe "she's so shy"

What type of men do I like?
"It'll All Work Out" by Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers
Uhm?

What is my day going to be like?
"Born to be My Baby" by Bon Jovi (New Jersey)
I don't know what the song means to how my day will be, but it is one of my favorite songs, so I guess a good day!

No nap for me...

2006-03-23T13:20:00.000-05:00

I left my office for about 30 minutes to run to the student center for some food. I found $5 at the bottom of my purse, which wasn't enough for an over-priced sandwich, so I just got a bagel and a donut. Hopefully the sugar rush will help keep me awake (although my stomach is feeling queasy now) because in the time I was out of my office, my officemate showed up. She's nice and sweet, but when we're both in here together it is cramped! I was sort of hoping to eat a quick lunch and maybe rest my eyes for 40 minutes before meeting with my advisor.

I did manage to finish another lecture for my class. If I finish up 1 more, I'll have finished the textbook lectures (which honestly are the easy ones because I have my old lectures to plagiarize from). The last three weeks of class are a special applied topic, which I decided to throw in for fun (stupid me!). I have quite a bit of reading and preparing to do for that because it is just as new to me as it is to my students. If I can bang out this last textbook lecture, I can hopefully avoid a situation of the blind leading the blind!

Alert the Media!

2006-03-23T09:48:00.000-05:00

I'm actually sitting in my office at 9:30am. It certainly isn't the first time, but it is the first time in a loooong time. I got up early today with the plan of driving to my parent's place (about an hour or so away) to take care of some things, but those plans are on hold. I debated for about 20 minutes whether I should try to work at home or come over to my office. I need to be here for a meeting in the afternoon followed by class. The debate consisted of one pro and one con on each side:
Stay home- Con: Probably won't get much work done, Pro: Easy access to lunch
Go to office- Pro: Will likely get work done, Con: Probably vending machine lunch

So, I decided to choose work over food. If I get bored working or staring at my office walls, I'll probably walk over to the Student Center and grab a sandwich (*fingers crossed that I actually have some cash on me*).

Class Tuesday was interesting. According to the syllabus, the students were supposed to have an exam on Tuesday (cruel scheduling an exam immediately after spring break, huh?). Well, a couple of weeks ago there was an equipment failure in the classroom and I couldn't show the video I had ready to go and I didn't have anything else prepared, so I cancelled class and bumped everything on the syllabus back a day. I made announcements for 2+ weeks and posted on the class website that the exam will be pushed back a day. And still, apparently that didn't reach everyone because class was more full than on any other lecture, and there were clearly a number of students who I haven't seen since the last exam. It always amazes me that there are some students who only show up for exams. I can't imagine that they do well. I remember when I was an undergrad I would cut class on occasion. But generally I wouldn't cut any one class more than twice in a semester. Then again, I was a goody goody.

Speaking of students, do you ever have those students who are so sweet and nice and interested in the material, but they just can't seem to get it together on the exams? There is this one guy in class who comes to my office hours and asks intelligent questions. He comes up after class and asks for clarifications on the lecture. He admits to actually reading and enjoying the textbook. After class, I've seen him talk to his classmates and help the ones who need help (for example, on Tuesday he moved some desks out of the way for a girl who uses a cane). He even offered his notes to a girl who had missed several classes and didn't know anyone in class. This guy tries so hard, but his exam grades just don't reflect it and it breaks my heart. I hope that if I end up at a small university with manageable class sizes (no more of this 400+ student classes), I can create assignments that can better assess students' understanding and not just their ability to memorize and spit things back on an exam.

So tired...

2006-03-21T11:02:00.000-05:00

Why am I so tired? The past two days I've stayed in bed until nearly 11, even though I have tons of work that I need to be doing. The alarm goes off at 8, but I just can't get up.

I had the most terrible dream last night. (Background to the dream... Thursday my class has an exam and the TA can't be there, so he is supposed to drop off the copied exams to me sometime soon. This semester's TA is fairly responsible as compared to last semester's). So in the dream, the TA drops off the exams for me and I take them over to the class and meet up with the proctors. As I am about to start passing out the exams, I notice about half of them are blank, no exam was copied after the first page. I suddenly have a situation in which some exams have been handed out, other students are waiting, and I have 200 exams that are just blank paper. To top it off, there are no scantrons, which means I'll have to grade all of the exams by hand. Students are rioting and I have to think quickly to come up with a solution. Those without an exam are happy to have extra study time, but those with an exam are pissed because they want extra time too, but they've already seen the exam.

That dream is probably in part why I didn't want to get out of bed this morning. I have a lecture to give this afternoon and I don't feel like. This class is by far the most disrespectful class I've had. The talk, check their cell phones, text message, and play on their laptops while I lecture and especially when I show a video. Despite my repeatedly scolding them for the rudeness, they just persist. As convenient as laptops are, I wish I could ban my students from using them during class because they are clearly instant messaging, checking email, and playing games. But then again, I guess that is their own problem if they do poorly in the class.

Ok, I've wasted enough time right now. Hopefully, I'll go prep my lecture and not just stare at the TV for another hour...

Twice in one day...

2006-03-20T14:26:00.000-05:00

I've really got a lot of things I want to talk about. Sometimes they all rush into my head at once (usually when I've driving or otherwise not near a computer) and often they all vanish when I sit in front of the computer to post an entry.

Shit... and there they all go...

Ok, well, I'm new to this academic/life blogging thing. I did mention I have another blog (it's a knitting blog - there's hundreds of them, so I doubt you'll find me especially because I'm fairly low on the popularity scale). For the most part if it isn't knitting related, the stuff posted there is fairly benign life stuff, because as I mentioned before, my mom reads it, so I can't say something that has been on my mind for a while such as "I've been on the pill for nearly 10 years, maybe I should try something else. Anyone have opinions on alternative options?" Yeah, mom can't know that. Also, since it isn't anonymous/pseudonymous I can't openly complain about students or school without the fear of students or professors finding it. Posting "my advisor is really pissing me off today" (which isn't true right now, but was a couple of weeks ago) is not so smart when she could probably easily find it.

So that's why I've created this blog. How about some more about me?

Yes, I'm a grad student at a research 1 university. I'll tell you I'm in psychology, but otherwise we'll leave it vague. I'm just starting the dissertation phase and hope to be finished and employed by May '07. I teach a very large (400 students, lucky me) upper level lecture course in psychology. I've been teaching these big classes for the past 3 years so it is old hat to me now, although I do hope to end up at a university with much, much smaller class sizes.

Are you still reading?

Where did the title come from? Good question. "The Art of Distance" is the title of a song by singer/songwriter Ellis Paul. Go google him. Listen to his music. It is poetic and moving and lovely. I thought "the art of distance" is a good name for a pseudonymous blog. It is an art (that will probably take me some time to perfect, but I've seen done beautifully on other pseudonymous academic blogs) to simultaneously put yourself out to the world, yet keep just enough hidden.

As time goes by, you'll learn more about me (and I hope to learn more about you), but questions in the comments are always welcome to draw out more information (although I reserve the right to not answer everything!).

Let's see now that I've wasted 2 hours setting up this blog and posting, it would probably be smart to get back to writing a few lectures so I won't have to throw them together at the last minute like usual!

First Day...

2006-03-20T13:55:00.000-05:00

Welcome to my bloggie blog. This is blog #2 for me. Blog #1 is fairly public; the people who read that know who I am. And oh yeah, my mom reads it, so I needed a new place to post "racier" material. Ok, there probably won't be too much racy here, but I intend this blog to be a place where I can anonymously gripe and complain about life.

I'll likely talk about graduate school life and teaching, my dissertation, the looming job search process. I'll also talk about personal matters and whatever else is on my mind.

I'm open to comments and suggestions. But remember, if you don't like what you see here than move along.

I'm not sure how frequently I'll post as I have a hard enough time posting regularly on blog #1.