Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Frustrated, Angry, Depressed

So last week I found out that I officially have no funding for next year. While my advisor keeps telling me not to panic, that since she's been here they've never stranded a grad student, I can't help it. All I can imagine is needing to work part-time at the Walmart to be able to pay the rent. Yesterday I had thoughts of living on pb&j sandwiches for a year. It also dawned on me yesterday that without support, I don't have health insurance. So needless to say I'm freaking out.

The best plan that we've been able to come up with is to defend my dissertation in October. This would at least mean I don't have to pay tuition in the fall. But it doesn't solve the lack of money problem.

I'm meeting with my advisor tomorrow to talk over everything. I'm depressed.

Monday, April 24, 2006

Jump on the bus

Ok, I have nothing else for today, so a meme it is. (found this at new kid on the hallway)

Accent: Unique blend of Jersey with Philly (I got made fun of a lot in college for this accent)

Booze: Yes please. I like Cosmos. I had some good ones two weekends ago, but they can wreck me.

Chore I Hate: Cleaning the bathroom.

Dog or Cat: Cats. But I'd take a dog so long as it isn't too big or hairy.

Essential Electronics: Laptop, iPod, TV.

Favorite Cologne(s): None, I don't like colognes or perfumes, they give me a headache.

Gold or Silver: Silver

Hometown: ---- --------, --, USA

Insomnia: Not usually

Job Title: Graduate Student

Kids: None. Future maybe, but the dissertation is my first baby.

Living arrangements: Small, 1 bedroom apartment with LIBF.

Most admirable trait: Does smart count?

Number of sexual partners: 5ish

Overnight hospital stays: None

Phobias: Snakes, spiders, but more fears, not phobias.

Quote: "He will get a face full of men! My men!!" -The Monarch, Venture Brothers Pilot

Religion: None

Siblings: 1 little bro (though he's not so little)

Time I wake up: anywhere from 8:30 on a good day, to 10:30 on a normal day

Unusual talent or skill: Knitting, though not so unusual anymore

Vegetable I refuse to eat: Beans (are they vegetables)? Green beans are ok, all other beans, no way!

Worst habit: Procrastinate

X-rays: Teeth

Yummy foods I make: Desserts with puff pastry (the frozen kind), chocolate chip cookies

Zodiac sign: Sag.

Ok, I have nothing else for today, so a meme it is. (found this at new kid on the hallway)

Accent: Unique blend of Jersey with Philly (I got made fun of a lot in college for this accent)

Booze: Yes please. I like Cosmos. I had some good ones two weekends ago, but they can wreck me.

Chore I Hate: Cleaning the bathroom.

Dog or Cat: Cats. But I'd take a dog so long as it isn't too big or hairy.

Essential Electronics: Laptop, iPod, TV.

Favorite Cologne(s): None, I don't like colognes or perfumes, they give me a headache.

Gold or Silver: Silver

Hometown: ---- --------, --, USA

Insomnia: Not usually

Job Title: Graduate Student

Kids: None. Future maybe, but the dissertation is my first baby.

Living arrangements: Small, 1 bedroom apartment with LIBF.

Most admirable trait: Does smart count?

Number of sexual partners: 5ish

Overnight hospital stays: None

Phobias: Snakes, spiders, but more fears, not phobias.

Quote: "He will get a face full of men! My men!!" -The Monarch, Venture Brothers Pilot

Religion: None

Siblings: 1 little bro (though he's not so little)

Time I wake up: anywhere from 8:30 on a good day, to 10:30 on a normal day

Unusual talent or skill: Knitting, though not so unusual anymore

Vegetable I refuse to eat: Beans (are they vegetables)? Green beans are ok, all other beans, no way!

Worst habit: Procrastinate

X-rays: Teeth

Yummy foods I make: Desserts with puff pastry (the frozen kind), chocolate chip cookies

Zodiac sign: Sag.

Friday, April 21, 2006

Weirdest Thing Ever...

So I'm sitting in my office right now, I want to do work, but there is some guy pacing the hallway on his cellphone yelling at his girlfriend. Apparently he's tired of taking her crap and doesn't want to put up with it anymore. It sounds like he's on the verge of breaking up with her, but not quite there. Oh... she must be crying because he's asking if she's ok. Oh no... he's asking if she is still there. Drama!

I'm not sure why he is having this conversation in the middle of an office building. I don't know who he is, but to leave the floor he has to walk by my door, so I'll get a look at him.

Sounds like she is now yelling back at him. Yelling match!

Part of me wants to go out into the hallway and say "excuse, please have this conversation somewhere else". The other part of me wants to say "dump the bitch!"

Have to try to accomplish something other than laundry today...

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Preclass dead time

In the hour or so before class, I can never focus to get any work done. I'd love to be able to concentrate and work up until 15 minutes before class and waltz over ready to go. Instead I work until about an hour before class and then can't do anything other than waste time. Not that blogging is time wasted, certainly not.

Did anyone else see that horrible awful woman on the Colbert Report last night? I've already blocked her name from my memory. Her book was something like "To Hell with That I just want to be a slave to my husband because he's the man and men are better than women. Women should be depend on their men and should have no life of their own." Hmmm... that's a long title. I was so livid about this woman's interview that I was fuming while watching. LIBF told me that I watched the entire thing with a scowl on my face. And then I spent nearly an hour yelling and ranting about why she is a horrible woman. She literally said that women should be dependent on their husbands. She seems to completely fail to realize that the feminism she is soooo against is the only reason that she 1) went to college and got a good education, 2) is able to have a good job (she writes for the New Yorker, though only when the kids are at school), 3) had the freedom to have an opinion and write a book about it and get it published. ARGH!!! Crap, now I'm pissed again and I have to get to class.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Much better now

I prepped my lecture, ate a bagel and a donut, and read some blogs. I am feeling less pissy, but more headachy. Office hours start in 10 minutes so I better open up the office door now.

Student emails...

"Regarding the final exam for Psych, the exam period is 3 hours long. Will the exam actually take that long? Or will it just be slightly longer than the first 2 exams?"

Hmmm... let's see...

Even though I've announced several times at the end of class that the final exam is essentially an exam 3 and noncumulative, that would indicate that it is like the first 2 exams. But good point about the 3 hours... I should really fill up all of that time. So I'm going completely off the syllabus and the final exam will be 3 hours of essays. At the start of each hour of the exam I will post the next essay question on the screen. 3 essays, 3 hours... oh and let's say 80% of your final grade.

Oh and as I also announced in class... take a look at the class website all of the information you want to know is there including the fact that the final exam is just the same as the previous 2 exams.

ARGH!!!

Foul mood

I am currently in the foulest of foul moods. It is certainly not being helped by the fact that I hate all of my clothes, waited 5 minutes for some bitch to pull out of her parking space and she never did (who the fuck just comes out to their car and sits in it?!), and I haven't eaten. Oh and they've been doing construction outside of my office for weeks now. I have to come in every fucking day and listen to horrible noises that even the iPod on the last setting can drown out.

I need to prep my lecture for this evening, but I feel in no mood because I'm anticipating that the students like they have been the past couple of weeks will just be the same old rude assholes they've been all semester. I've tried to treat them as adults and give them subtle cues to quiet down and be polite. But apparently I've been wrong, they aren't adults they are children and probably need to be yelled at. More and more I'm liking my advisor's idea of giving them an impossible final exam as a big "screw you."

Of course I won't do that... but this class is eating away at my last nerve.

Ok, I'm in a pissy mood. I should prep this lecture quickly and than try to find something edible at the student center.

Monday, April 17, 2006

Things to Do: 8 Billion; Motivation: 0

"Is this the real life
Is this just fantasy
Caught in a landslide
No escape from reality"

Odd coincidence that I am about to post about how I'm overwhelmed with crap to do (aren't we all?) and Bohemian Rhapsody shuffles up on the iPod.

I don't know if I can even bare to see the entire list of "to dos" written out, but it might help me to start tackling them if they are written down and not just floating in my head...

By 4/20:
Read 2 articles
Write lecture on articles
Create power point for lecture
Critique paper for another grad student
Give feedback to undergrad on a paper
Give feedback to LIBF on papers
Pick textbook for Fall class and submit form, contact book rep and beg for videos

By 4/25:
Read 1 article
Write short (thank god) lecture on article
Create power point for lecture

By 4/27:
Read 2 articles
Write lecture on articles
Create power point for lecture
Write Method section of dissertation for study 1 (so that can tell advisor I did something!)
Finish study guide for class final exam and post online
Download current data set of internet study and prep stats tutorial for research group

By 5/3:
Create final exam for class and send to TA for copying

By 5/13:
Buy b-day present for bro
Buy mom's day present for mom (maybe I should include locate some money in an earlier to do)
Create poster for conference and send to poster making lady

By 6/1:
Article based on dissertation study 1 due to editor (I need to incorporate to dos of writing deadlines and data analysis earlier for this... which is even tougher because my advisor's advice about this deadline is to ignore it! argh!)
Apply for IRB approval of dissertation study 2 so that it can start immediately in Sept.

By end of June:
Create syllabus for summer class
Prepare some lectures, projects, demonstrations, in class activities for summer class
Prepare job hunt packet (teaching evals, teaching statement, research statement, vita, etc)
Have panic attack about impending job hunt

By end of July:
Create syllabus for Fall class
Prepare some lectures for Fall class
Create syllabus for Spring Class
Hunt for reading material for spring class

By end of August:
Finish intro to dissertation
Finish methods, results, discussion of study 1 (hopefully a piece of cake after writing the article for June 1st)
Write methods for study 2

Wow... that is overwhelming, but seems manageable now that I've laid it out with rough dates. If I stay on top of the list, I can be well set for the fall and spring semester. Of course there are major obstacles to staying on track (such as going on vacation, teaching for 6 weeks everyday), but not as impossible as it seemed twenty minutes ago when I was aimlessly surfing the internet avoiding all work.

Seeing how my sidebar is pretty naked, I think I might post my to do list over there since this blog seems mostly for my own blathering to myself at this point!

Saturday, April 15, 2006

Went to lunch and never came back...

Ok, that's not true. The spring semester is always so much harder for me (and for my students, probably). I don't feel like teaching, the weather is getting nice, I don't feel like teaching.

I yelled at my students on Thursday. As I got to the last 5 minutes of lecture (which was still going to allow them to leave 20 minutes early), a large portion of them just decided to stop listening and start their own conversations. I stopped once and asked them to be quiet for 5 more minutes. It worked for all of 30 seconds. At which point, I stopped and suggested that those who would rather talk should just get up and leave right now because they were being extraordinarily rude. That shut them up until I was finished.

Remind me that when I apply for jobs to look for colleges that have small class sizes. I fucking hate big classes. And I'm just so fucking happy that I get to teach another 400 student class in the fall. YAY!